Let’s call him Mr Penguin.
Mr Penguin and I have been chatted on Whatsapp for about 2 weeks. And if I had to be honest, he has always started the conversations as I don’t really know him that well.
Even though – my personality allows to almost speak about anything as I absorb information where I can – and I hold onto this info, for times like this when small talk is necessary. But don’t get me wrong, whatever I do chat about, I do take an interest in.
So, anyway – Mr Penguin and I have met face to face once, at a work function a year ago. I do know what he looks like, and he knows what I look like, with the exception of me cutting my hair recently. And I am by no means attracted to him at all! Call me shallow – but we all know that if that “physical attraction” is not present – try and try, it just won’t happen.
I know you thinking I’m probably not giving him a chance – and that I’m not opening my mind to the thought? No. No. No.
We are 2 very, VERY different people.
For starters : religion. He follows a religion as does his whole family, I would have to cover up from head to toe and not show any exposed skin. This is a problem for me as I like feeling the warm sunshine on my bare shoulders.
Next up, because of the religious difference – my drinking and fondness for bacon would suffer greatly. Enough said. So no more bacon flavoured mojitos for me, well, no not really – but the bacon topped pizza and ice cold beer sessions will sadly come to a halt. As would my totally wicked behaviour. Penguin has said he like to have fun, but I do think his fun and my fun would be on way different levels!
And lastly – this is the killer – he doesn’t “actually” watch any sport!? Shock, horror! Thank you for playing, but you can kindly leave the stage! Exit right here. . . . I have been in a relationship once before where I was the only sports freak and not being able to watch a match in the comfort of your own home is quite uncool.
This would mean no beer while screaming at the TV for them to score a goal / get a try / bowl him out while I’m wearing a strappy top and eating Meat Lovers pizza with extra bacon bits. Does that sound like fun? Nope.
So why then am I chatting to him? Networking. For the simple fact that I might need to use his services to gain others. No leading on whatsoever.
Now that you have a good idea about who he is, I can continue with this post.
Penguin is ok to chat to, he takes whatever I say at face value though – this might conflict with what I’m trying to say or when I make a joke.
He wants to take me out to lunch before he goes on holiday to China, where he is going to buy me a gift. I wanted proper Chinese steam buns and I meant this as a joke as I know bringing food over might be a huge problem. I got like a whole description of why it would be a bad idea and all the rules of safe travel were listed on this Whatsapp message that took forever to type out! So much so I forgot that I was chatting to him. . .
And then on Saturday evening he assumed that because I haven’t been sleeping properly at all for the last month or so that I’m thinking about him. Wait – shut the front door. Huh?!
Firstly – eeeewwwwww!
Secondly – give me a freakin good reason to think about you, then maybe, just maybe – I’ll make space for you to occupy any part of my mind.
And then yesterday he sends me a pic of his car (a Merc) like I’m supposed to swoon or something. Just goes to show he really doesn’t know me to want to chase after a guy because of a car. You could have a go kart and I’d be more interested. Does the car maketh the man? To a point yes, but you don’t have to send me pictures like when I haven’t requested them.
And honestly, sometimes he freaks me out with how he says we have so much in common and it would be awesome for us to hang out. . . So when I finally do have lunch with him – it’s gonna be in a really public place that I know all the secret hiding places and corridors.
Watch this space.