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Another Name Change

September 5, 2012 in Political Satire

Our inept ruling Party at it again – changing names. I think that the ANC government has now officially spent more on name changes than on anything else – except of course Salaries and perks for Government officials.

Some of the regiments that was established before the ANC came into being are now at risk of being renamed, fortunately not after some unknown official’s second cousin but after provinces i.e. Limpopo etc.

The day will come when the acronym ANC will not be associated with the African National Congress but Another Name Change.

Great is the pity that this does nothing to relieve poverty, build houses, create jobs etc. (except for the fortunate company that manufacture sign boards) – probably partly or wholly owned by some official or a family member.

We are lucky that not much remains to be renamed which will hopefully motivate our Government to start building  (Creating something new) that can be named instead of just renaming stuff that was erected and created by the previous government.

This wish will probably die a silent death – suffocated under the mountains of old names – to be called something else.

What remains certain is that excrement called by any other name still smells as bad.

The idea that you can mislead everybody all the time by trying to fool them into believing that something is happening, by changing names, will certainly not cut it for much longer, unless our Government knows something of the mentality of our general population that we are unaware of.

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Gift – pets

February 25, 2014 in Uncategorized

Twice in one year, I witnessed cute puppy-gifts (Miniature Pinschers) ending up dead. Poor creatures dared to grow up, become noisy, wanted to be fed every day, had to receive inoculations regularly and actually had to be taken to a Vet when ill.

We often see people buying kittens or puppies at the pet shop because they are sooo cute. Six months down the line the pshycopathic tendencies of the owner emerges. Poor creatures are not allowed to make any sounds, require any attention whatsoever because the cuteness has gone.

Miniature Doberman Pinchers require a lot of attention as they are lively and intelligent little dogs. They are a short-haired breed that makes them ideal for keeping indoors. Unfortunately, they are also quite noisy, having been endowed with extremely acute hearing which makes them react to noises that are not detectable to humans.

They breed easily and are therefore readily available at most pet outlets. This is where the problem begins. Being reasonably priced and extremely cute, people buy these little critters and give them away as gifts, not taking into account that the receiver will accept the gift only to start neglecting the poor creature after the CUTE-PUPPY stage has passed.

I can not believe that people have to pass drivers tests, personality checks etc. for mundane purposes but they are allowed to breed and have babies, keep live pets and all that without any qualifications whatsoever.

BOTTOM LINE – DO NOT GIVE LIVE PETS AS GIFTS, RATHER KILL IT FIRST, SEND IT TO A TAXIDERMIST FOR MOUNTING AND THEN GIVE CUTE PUPPY OR KITTEN TO PSHYCOPATHIC FRIENDS OR FAMILY MEMBERS.

At least it will stay cute a little longer

 

 

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Vaaltuin-se-Dag

February 15, 2014 in Political Satire

VALENTINES DAY

My oupa het hier naby aan die einde van sy leeftyd gepraat van VAALTUIN se dag. Dit was nou so om en by 1988 (hy was in 1896 gebore) en ek dink hy het die verskil tussen koffie en daai ander bruin goed geken.

Voor dit het n mens net in “Archie Comics “ gelees van hierdie groot gebeurtenis. Mens is nog besig om te herstel van die grootste gebeutenis se herdenking oor Desember dan oorval hierdie geldvreet monster, wat sowat dertig jaar of so gelede aangeland het jou.

Gewone rooi rose wat sowat tien Rand uit die sak uit jaag se prys styg bokant die prys van platina hoe nader mens aan Valentynsdag kom. As ek geweet het die onding gaan so posvat onder ons Suid Afrikaners het ek dertig jaar terug my hele plot van die rose beplant en nie met inheemse bome soos die geval is nie. (Hulle se mos die beste tyd om n boom te plant is dertig jaar terug)

Ek weet nie of ons ou boerevolkie skierlik romanties geraak het nie maar as ek destyds “ARCHIE COMICS”  gelees het hier om en by die 14de Februarie kon ek vir n paar dae sonder Engelse sout klaarkom sonder om opgeblaas te raak. Eintlik het dit partymaal met n pyn in die laer dele van die anatomie gepaard gegaan. Gewoonlik het Archie vir Veronica blomme gestuur met die hoop om uiteindelik n romantiese verbintenis met haar aan te knoop. Dit was n naarheid hoe die arme outjie probeer het om die meisie by n Valentynsbal te kry en seker maar gehoop het om uiteindelik te “Score” soos ons nou later in die weermag oor hierdie dinge gepraat het.

My oupa was reg, Die groot dag moet eintlik VAALTUIN-SE-DAG gedoop word aangesien al wat n blom is in n blomrangskikking of ruiker opeindig met die gevolglike VAAL tuine wat oorbly.

Ek het in die Noorde van Suidwes gebly toe hierdie nonsens aan wal gesluip het en nesgeskop het onder ons mense. Toe ons in 1996 terugkeer na Pretoria was ek verbaas om te sien hoe erg dit alreeds posgevat het. Ek moes net bontstaan by my nuwe werk om te keer dat een van die jonger “girlies ” my nie huistoe vat nie. Ek het toe nog net sout-en-peper hare gehad wat blykbaar vir party meisies mooi is, gelukkig is ek nou heeltemal silwer en loop ek meeste van die attensies mis. (weet nie of dit die hare of die plooie is wat selfs vir ou Vaaltuin kortwiek nie)

Een ding is seker, Hulle kan dit vaaltuin, Groentuin of enige ander naam gee maar hierdie gogga het groot tande wat gate in mens se gatsak vreet waneer jy dit die minste kan bekostig.

Ek dink dit is vir ouens bedoel wat te lamsakkig is om reguit na n vrou toe te loop en te vra. Die hele ou storie word ook misbruik om meer sinistere verhoudings aan die gang te kry wat eintlik die doel van Vaaltuin-se-dag verydel.

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Gallus Gallus Octopoda

February 10, 2014 in Tongue-in-cheek

It is rumoured that this creature was the result of genetic testing during the late 1980’s by a well-known scientist employed by the former South African Government. (Currently serving time)

It was alleged that the poor doctor was attempting to create deadly microbes that were partial to persons with excessive pigmentation (you know, the old racist phobia) when the chicken eggs, that he kept in an incubator in his lab as alleged nutrient for the alleged microbe production, hatched overnight and the progeny escaped through a window and into the surrounding bush.

The only evidence of this occurrence at the time, were some tiny (but numerous) tracks left in an Agar gel dish and obviously the remains of the eggshells. The investigators concluded that the escaped creatures probably had eight legs as the tiny tracks (certainly too large for microbes) were too close together to have been made by more than one creature. This evidence was unfortunately not allowed in court.

The poor doctor was incarcerated during the late 90’s, as he was unable to prove that he was actually experimenting on the production of broiler chickens with more than two legs in an attempt to feed the rapidly increasing population.

Rumours of extremely fast creatures in the vicinity of the former ARC (Agricultural Research Council) in the Roodeplaat area abound. Several attempts have been made by professional hunters and other so-called experts in the game-capturing field, to capture these mythical creatures, to no avail.

Photographs taken by motion triggered cameras, placed next to footpaths in the vicinity have some footage of blurry, clearly fast moving, life forms. It is estimated that speeds in excess of 240 Km/hour has to be reached to cause blurring of the images captured on camera.

Meanwhile, a brilliant man is sitting in some obscure jail, without hope of parole because he attempted to create an additional food source for the hungry hordes. Pity that he was unable to anticipate that eight-legged chickens would be so fast that he would be unable to prove his innocence by providing physical evidence of his creation.

I wonder what these critters will taste like and if one will be caught someday. It is feared that they will multiply unchecked as no natural predator will be able to capture them as food source. We can only hope that their numbers will be kept within limits by the ordinary diseases that afflict domestic poultry.

 

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Service Delivery – huh, what dat?

January 24, 2014 in Crime & corruption

Every time you open a Newspaper the senses are overwhelmed by complaints of crime, corruption and the lovely spin-off of corruption, POOR or NON-EXISTING SERVICE DELIVERY. To be fair, it is also a result of the brain-drain and skills-drain due to the AA and BEE policies of our esteemed Government.

I read one newspaper this morning (not one of the right-wing publications) and was assailed by articles pertaining to poor service delivery from Government Departments and Municipalities.

Added to this platter are some of my own horror stories that seem to have been unattended to for so long that it almost does not matter anymore, except for the constant olfactory reminder.

The smell of tons of human excrement that has been fermenting in the beautiful Highveld weather has the ability to cause death by voluntary asphyxiation by bending over at an extreme angle and placing the nose in your own anal cavity to escape the ambient air. The site is a well-known spot at the edge of the Pretoria municipal border where Baviaanspoort road becomes the KwaMhlanga road. It is exactly in this area where a convenient siding has been graded for the Metro Police to park their vehicles. Said spot is utilized for munching of Kentucky Fried chicken, and writing tickets for the hapless individuals who think that nobody in their right mind will dwell in this area for longer than two seconds.

Our uniformed friends are doing a great job, honestly, I am not saying this tongue-in-cheek. They are also risking their lives, not just the normal dangers associated with their work but an added danger of someone pulling a gun on them just to get into an area with breathable air.

How they manage to stay in this area for, sometimes hours on end can only be explained if they have been specially bred or genetically modified to survive and eat in atmosphere compromised areas.

I believe that the time spent by motorists who are pulled off the road should be seen as part of the fine. About R100.00 per second spent in this area should be deducted from the fine to make it fair and just.

In a more serious mood, the sewage leak has been with us now for at least a year. I think some repairs have been done but a whiff of the brown stuff can still be detected early in the morning and at dusk.

It could not possibly be leftovers from the previous leakage as the Moreletta has been flooded quite a few times during this rainy season, enough to uproot trees.

This simply means that some “fresh” brown stuff has made it’s way from the constraints of the sewage ducting system into the open since the last heavy rains.

The little river in question is one of the main feeders into Roodeplaat dam. In a potable water compromised country, we can ill afford the (further) contamination of our fresh water resources.

Said reservoir used to be a popular spot for water sports and fishing. In years gone by, the fish could be eaten without any fear of disease carrying microbes entering the body of the Piscivore but it will now only be fit for Genetically modified individuals with a deathwish.

The poor jet-ski enthusiast will have to wear a full wet suit and a full-face mask to prevent spray from entering the eyes, nose or mouth. I shudder at the thought of even touching this water, yet, it is purified and delivered to many households. It would be interesting to know how much chlorine gas is used per cubic meter of water to make it reasonably safe for human consumption.

We are fortunate to have a deep borehole on our property that delivers water without any heavy metals, microbes or any other harmful substances. It also has a nice sweet taste that surpasses most of the bottled varieties.

Unfortunately, this is not expected to last long since the sub-division of the small-holdings about eighteen years ago has increased the number of French drains (and the subsequent risk of groundwater contamination) almost eight-fold. A slight increase of nitrates was detected since the previous test. This may be an indicator of increased fertilizer usage or stem from a more feared source.

The implementation of proper sewage/wastewater removal and treatment facilities does not seem to be very high on the agenda and if the maintenance (or lack thereof) to the system will be on par with the Moreletta example, I fear that we will have to install a chlorinating plant  for our household soon. (Small consolation is that the contamination will be from eight or so households in the near vicinity) Ha-Ha, we will be sipping water with piss contamination from only 40 individuals instead of 400 000.

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AND SO THE CAKE CRUMBLES

January 22, 2014 in Political Satire

AND SO THE CAKE CRUMBLES

We are now paying 12% + of our hard-earned cash into the pockets of our government employees. This simply means that twelve SA Rand of every one hundred SA Rand recovered through taxation, is not available for schools, roads, hospitals and other urgently required development.

We are ranked one of the TOP five countries in this regard – this is not a GOOD top five, it means that we are amongst the WORST FIVE COUNTRIES in this respect, probably placing us in the same league as Zimbabwe and some of the South American states.

Government officials quote Rand values earned for exports. (you can multiply the value of one British pound by a factor of 17+ to get the Rand value). This makes things sound terrific. On the other hand, if we have to import, the Dollar, Euro or Pound values are quoted. (The Rand value divided by 17+ to convert back to British Pounds)

When taking into account that our kids are taught only rudimentary mathematical skills and are expected to know only 30% of this rudiment to get a pass, most are unable to interpret or distinguish between the monetary values and are lead to believe that the RSA is competing well at international level. (These kids will be voting in the upcoming election)

The cake crumbles some more and soon our esteemed leaders will say “let them eat crumbs” (if anything is left)

We have not seen any new tertiary education establishments arise since the inception of our Democracy twenty years ago. (This is good for the government as very few are educated to the level where they can actually oppose them.)

The population on the other hand has grown by a factor of five to ten or so. We have certainly taken on about half of the Zimbabwean population, many hundreds of thousands of Mozambicans, Malawi’s, Nigerians, Pakistanis and so on, many unaccounted for by the local officialdom.

We are now getting to the stage where we will have to start using a *Cyclotron to divide the cake in order that there will be enough molecular particles to honor the command of our government leaders.
(The “let them eat Cake command”)

Weakening of a monetary unit is almost always an indicator of poor country management (better name for government) and specifically, poor fiscal policy and planning. It is a short-term solution to boost exports – providing that you can compete in quality and price with other countries. It rarely materializes as the know-how has already fled down-under or further abroad due to draconian AA and BEE policies, forcing them to look for greener pastures. Without the required skills-in-situ, product quality and prices are negatively affected. The result being the inability to compete on the global market.

“Low comparative currency values will always attract investment from countries with stronger currencies.” This statement is only true if the political and social environment as well as internationally accepted norms pertaining to property ownership etc. is honored.

Scream NATIONALIZATION and investors will quietly start moving their assets out of the country. THERE WILL CERTAINLY BE NO INGRESS OF INVESTORS. Those who do invest during times like this surely have other, more sinister motives. I can name one for sure but I do not fancy taking a 7.62 mm bullet from a cheap AK produced en-masse, in the country referred to.( the name starts with a “C”)

An investor friendly environment with fair and just labor legislation, which can place the host country in the position of a desirable destination for investment opportunities, will certainly help a lot in providing much needed cash for the purposes of development and job creation.

On the other hand, Threats of Nationalization of mines and other assets, belonging to Multinational INVESTORS, poor management, draconian labor laws, high crime and corruption, expensive transport, poorly maintained rail transport facilities, expensive, infrequent electricity and water supply, unjust employment policies and so forth will not attract any investment even if the comparative values of the investor’s currency is worth a million times our beleaguered SA Rand. (Almost forgot E-Toll)

AA and BEE for the sake of forcing the private sector into employing incompetent people based on the color of their skin is not only racist but also counter-productive. It simply pushes the price of our products for export, above the price that importers are willing to pay. The two major factors are affected negatively, namely Quality and Price. Couple this to minimum wage laws and generally poor work ethics and we are totally unable to compete with countries like Korea. Taiwan, etc. where true work ethics are fostered and management positions are obtained through hard work and education, not government policy.

The window period for reversal of the downward spiral is still open but we are rapidly moving into that well known sorry state where we will be relying on aid from well run countries to feed the nation.

It is a sorry state as we have the potential to feed the whole African continent and have some product left over.

The Zimbabwean model proved that the BEE and AA concepts are unworkable, a billion times over. If we gaze to the North, beyond Zim, we will find that the same concepts killed off most of the economies on this poor continent.

The will of the cannon fodder, cake molecule munching populace, is only fostered until their puppet master is in power. (The aim normally being to be in this position for life) The tax collection system is upgraded to match and even surpass that of many “Developed” entities and the “suction” process begins.
Pity is that the Cake Hoarding Monster does not know when to stop or how to curb its’ appetite.

Soon, the streets are littered, once, majestic looking buildings become the dwelling of thousands and the facades become streaked with excrement as the machinery to process the smelly stuff becomes unserviceable, (technicians working in OZ) forcing people to chuck the brown stuff out through windows. Infrequent rain brings temporary respite from the “aroma” permeating everything but in the process, “the cake residues” are washed into storm drains and eventually into rivers and dams. The water poor country is robbed of its most precious commodity, potable water. In short, everything turns to S H ONE T. His Excellency is unperturbed, he has cake and imported bottled H2O.

Sounds sort of familiar, doesn’t it. It started in Kenya 50 years ago and has at last reached the Southern tip of Africa.
The “corrective” action named CHM* BEE and AA,  that ruined all but a few of the African states is now alive and well and living in South Africa.

 

* Cake Hoarding Monster

 

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Oh Shit

November 23, 2013 in Political Satire

 

We certainly need to have a serious look at our water resources, specifically the unchecked rate at which our reservoirs are contaminated with fecal matter and mine waste. We are essentially a water poor country and can ill afford to have the little resources that are available be made unusable by a blase’ attitude from uninformed, non caring government officials.

Unheeded complaints from many small-town residents and even some large city inhabitants regarding poor maintenance to water treatment facilities for months and in some cases years on end has resulted in the contamination to dangerous levels of many of our dams and rivers.

Dams that were formerly (I hate to say) under the previous government  safe for water sport and provided edible fish, are now classified as dangerous to human health, Nobody with any sense will even contemplate getting closer to some of these sources than 50 meters, that is if you can handle the appetizing reek of raw sewage that has been festering in the sun for weeks on end. Add to this catastrophe the destruction of many wetland areas and we have an even more fearful nightmare, no, demon on our hands.

Every day, on my way through the outskirts of Pretoria, I pass through an area where the appetising aroma of raw sewage hits you between the eyes (that is after anticipating it and closing the fresh air vent, windows and switching off anything that may draw ambient outside “air”into the vehicle) Strangely enough, this is also the area frequented by Metro Cops where they pull vehicles off the road for inspections etc. I can assure anybody that a normal person with normal olfactory senses will  will pass out from this stench within minutes. Not these guys, they often sit in this overpowering atmosphere, having Kentucky fried chicken while their comrades are forcing people to commit  ”olfactocide” (killing the olfactory glands with overpowering smell of putrid Sh&%) The residents have been complaining about this (even submitted co-ordinates for the obnoxious leak) for almost two years, no avail. The Kentucky munching guys are actually being paid by the Metro, the same people that are responsible for the repairs to the leaking pipeline.

Maybe the idea is to get people used to the aroma, and after being exposed to this for a few years, everybody will be able to have their Sunday lunch without being affected by the air quality, water quality, quality of life – in general.

We will turn into a nation of breathers of sh&* particles and drinkers of whiskey and sewage. (doesn’t sound too bad, does it ?)

 

 

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AGRICULTURE SECTOR – THE BIGGEST JOB CREATOR

May 10, 2013 in Political Satire

Despite being subjected to labor action, farm attacks (and murders), high fuel prices, poor road maintenance and more negative than positive input from the government,  Agriculture created the most work over the last year.

It is a shame that this sector has been singled out as the scapegoat for almost all the ills of this poor  beleaguered little country.  Farmers that stay on regardless of the fact that the government is doing very little to put a stop to criminal activity that places the farming community under severe mental and physical stress, are still forming the backbone of employment .

This country has the potential for feeding all the countries South of the Sahara and can reach this potential only with government support. It should be nursed as the goose that lays golden eggs instead of being subjected to negative press and  incessant pressure from labor organizations that threaten to topple this bastion of employment and downstream job creation..

So many of the farms that have been allocated through land claims are now lying idle or are being rented by white farmers with the know-how to produce food. Unlike our friends in the North, our population has not yet been subjected to famine for exactly this reason but should the Government persist with unreasonable land claims, we might end up in this situation sooner than is thought possible.

I do not believe that it is the aim of our government to have photographs of pot-bellied, snot nosed, emaciated kids splashed all over the internet in order to garner assistance from the West, as is so often the case with some of our Northern neighbors.

Boost this sector, make the labor laws more amenable to propagate food production and food security in order that we can again be proud to be South Africans.

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BEE CHALLENGE

May 10, 2013 in Ha-Ha, Political Satire

Yet another business closed, not only due to the state of the economy but due to mismanagement by a NINCOMPOOP that was FORCEFULLY employed by a company in a Managerial position to comply with BEE legislation.

Are we never going to learn that Managerial skills are not obtained from books or quick skills development courses but from years of actually working with all the elements that make good managers.

Agreed, University Degrees help people to grasp the basics and therefore place them in a position to get the hang of it sooner, but the true professional would be someone that worked his/her way through the ranks and reached the top by constantly outperforming their peers in all spheres of a business. This in combination with people-skills and a good grasp of the requirements of a business,  really empowers a person to perform the required duties to ensure that the business and by implication the employees, thrive.

Enter an ABOMINATION SPAWNED IN THE NEITHER REGIONS OF OUR UNIVERSE – BLACK ECONOMIC EMPOWERMENT.

Not Economic Empowerment or RAINBOW COLORS Empowerment, Uh, Uh, BLACK as in RACIST DRIVEN – COLOR OF SKIN DRIVEN EMPOWERMENT.

We have moved from a RACIST GOVERNMENT TO A RACIST GOVERNMENT – let us all put our hands together and applaud this great achievement.

We have only one small little problem – Any business that is not managed correctly due to a politically forced appointment of a NON-QUALIFIED person (especially taking into account the global markets) will FOLD!!  I am not propagating that ALL black people do not have the required skills and knowledge. The problem is not with them but with the truly political appointment of a person based on the fact that they are DENSELY-PIGMENTED, regardless of their qualifications and skills. Herein lies the downfall of business  and also effective government as we know it.

This means that all the BLACK people that used to be employed by said business are then UNEMPLOYED. Yes, the whites, Indians, Chinese and Coloureds as well but the black people will take the brunt as the DEMOGRAPHIC ratio has to be adhered to.

And the ranks of the unemployed swell and the queues at the unemployment offices become longer and longer and the burden on the EMPLOYED become heavier and heavier and the TAX burden is placed on fewer and fewer.

AND THEN OUR TOP GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS STAND UP IN PUBLIC AND SPEW THE EXCREMENT OF TWENTY YEARS AGO AT THE MISINFORMED POPULACE AND SAY THE  ”A” WORD AND EVERYBODY IS SO HAPPY THAT THEY START DANCING THE TOI-TOI TOI AND PRAISING THE GOVERNMENT FOR LEADING US ON THIS BEAUTIFUL PATH OF BEE RACISM, REVERSE APARTHEID AND EVENTUALLY UNEMPLOYMENT, POVERTY AND CREATING ANOTHER  ZIMBABWE AT THE EXTREME SOUTHERN TIP OF AFRICA.

 

 

 

 

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TO CARRY A FIREARM OR NOT ?

May 9, 2013 in Crime & corruption, Political Satire

One of our local newspapers posed this question to residents in the Pretoria East area and published the negative response of four people. Nobody spoke out in favor of  carrying firearms which can be interpreted in a few ways: a) 100% of the people interviewed were against firearms as a means of protecting oneself?  or b) No positive responses were published or c) The interviewer was biased and published only negative responses or  d) The number of people interviewed were too small.

A large portion of the respondents cited the “iPhone – shooting” and the “Oscar Pretorius” incidents as motivation against the carrying of firearms.

This sort of “contest” has been going on in the US for quite some time among the “Gunophobics” on the one side and the legal gun owners on the other.

One of the interviewees suggested stricter laws in a country where legal gun ownership is already subject to some of the strictest firearm control legislation on the planet.

Back at the proverbial Ranch, hundreds of thousands (millions?) of firearms are illegally owned and used in a variety of  violent crimes against law abiding citizens.

The question that jumps to mind is whether we should  reduce the resistance potential by further limiting LEGAL gun ownership?

Keep in mind that even if one could count on short response times from Police and/or  private Security response teams, it takes mere seconds to shoot and kill  -  and believe it, criminals do not hesitate to do exactly that.

The only thing that is keeping all-out rule by the criminal, illegal gun carriers, is the portion of the population that stood in long queues for hours on end, attended competency training and subjected themselves to scrutiny by the Police,  to retain their licensed arms. This also implies that  most of them are patient, law abiding citizens and not short tempered, mentally imbalanced gun toting individuals as described by some of the “Gunophobic” fraternity.

At least, some people tend to rely on themselves and are willing to take responsibility for their own safety and that of their families, and often, neighbors and friends, and in the process of doing this, serve as a buffer against  criminals who are at this stage uncertain if they will meet with armed resistance or not. If the ratio of armed to unarmed is further reduced by adding more draconian laws, the criminal element will soon realize that the odds are in their favor and crime will proliferate even more in a country that can ill afford to lose more tourism and foreign investment due to a poor crime record.

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iPad SHOOTING

May 9, 2013 in Crime & corruption, Uncategorized

Read the article about Theno Coetzee in the Pretoria East edition of the Record (May 10, 2013) and his claim that he didn’t shoot the vagrant that was allegedly involved with the smash and grab theft of his girlfriend’s iPad.

What is wrong in this country? Is it not standard procedure to do a “Paraffin” test to ascertain if someone discharged a firearm and can the bullet not be recovered from the body to compare with the firearm that was allegedly used by Coetzee? If no bullet is available the caliber can at least be established from the entry wound which, if different from the caliber in Coetzee’s possession, immediately prove that he is speaking the truth. If the caliber is the same as that of the police officers that he claims may be responsible, it may understandably,  take some additional investigation.
What is  required  is to establish whether the suspect should remain in custody or not.
Gosh people, this is not space-age technology, it has been around for almost a century.
It is now unfortunately too late to do the “paraffin” test but if a projectile is available the forensic testing should be completed ASAP to determine whether this person should be sitting behind bars for another week or not.