September 6, 2012 in Uncategorized
Ahunting we will go
I don’t have any pictures, everyone was too busy to think of taking a picture – so use your imagination. Just let go like I do.
First of all, I lived in a small town on the east coast and occasionally we amused ourselves by target shooting with my old BB gun that couldn’t dent an instant pudding, so our hunting experience all accumulated amounted to zilch, nothing, nada, niks.. Many of our friends lived on farms and were bothered by pesky jackals.
This one day, Stub and Stretch and I all accepted the invitation of one of our friends Buzz to come out to his farm and hunt jackals.
We spent a dusty afternoon driving around the farm in an old dilapidated bakkie, hanging out the windows and looking for prey. But to no avail.
Finally, a jackal ran across the road about 400 yards in front of us and went out of sight. Stretch jumped out of the truck and went over the hill and shot at him even though he was way beyond accurate range. To everyone’s surprise the jackal dropped dead, or so Stretch thought. He swaggered up to the jackal and nudged it with his toe to check for life. Nothing. He grabbed the jackal by the tail, and slung it over his shoulder so that its body was hanging down his back and it head flopping near the top of his legs – you get the picture.
About half-way up the hill, the jackal, who wasn’t dead after all, but only unconsciousness, woke up and found his current position entirely unsatisfactory for his likes. He decided the best way to get out of the predicament was to take a large bite out of Stretch’s ass.
He was dancing around screaming, @#$%^&*&^%$#@ Get it Off! Get it Off! @#$%^
Spud, seeing the jackal latched to his ass and inner leg, ran at full speed toward him and yelled, “Spread your legs.” So he did and Spud kicked the jackal in the head in an attempt to dislodge it.
”Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaash!!!” screamed Stretch!!!……It didn’t work! …. The jackal growled, showed his teeth, and chomped down harder.
Stretch was yelling, sort of @#$% Sh*t@#$%“Shoot it off” “Shoot the freakin thing Off – Here’s my gun!” while in between screeches, he launched himself skyward like a basketball player with his bumfluff on fire.
Okay, well remember, he has a jackal attached to his ass, so he’s not really stable – the head was perilously close to his gazoobies and explosions or bullets close to that region could have disastrous side effects on his future love life if you get my drift.
Spud got the gun and told him to spread his legs. Well – they were spread – (he had a jackal’s head between them), but he told him to spread them wider. This was difficult as he was still holding the jackal out from his body with his arm stretched up in the air, but he tried anyway.
To make Spud’s aim accurate while Stretch was dancing around with a jackal draped over him and attached tightly to his ass, he had to get very close. Then he shot.
Because of the proximity – that jackal lost its head – literally. Luckily – Stretch didn’t lose anything! Only a bit of dignity and about ten gallons of blood …. No biggy!
We get him home and Buzz’s mother douses the bite and his most sensitive parts with antiseptic which causes him to scream and dance all the more.
Finally we managed to get him comfortable in the car and to a doctor for anti everything shots which made him scream all the more.
What a woos.