Ever. . .

In silence I have sat, since Valentines day. I sat quiet with a pain that grew gradually larger in my heart. The physical pain reached out and touched me. It choked me and made me - my eyes fill with tears. I avoid all news and all discussion.

Oscar Pistorius. A death.
Did he kill his lover, oh yes, he pulled a trigger over and over again and shot and shot again. She died in his arms, by his hand. His guilt by law is currently pending. His guilt in his own mind, will echo across all his lives.

Ah and that is what I feel resonate from that poor soul, I feel the terror and horror of killing someone you love.

And I hear the judgements being passed over cocktails and around the watercooler. I hear the jealousy being paraded in rightous indignation about his lifestyle. I hear the snideness in comments speculating about what was up their noses, how much had they drunk, did he beat her regularly.

And my sore heart, carries on beating and I wonder if these people realise what their words say about them. Do they understand that the questions they ask make me cringe, the next time I stand next to them.

A question was asked of me, why have you closed yourself to everyone?

I answer you, beautiful shining one, I close myself because I am terrified of how much dissappointment I can take, from my world.

I close myself, to be able to survive. I close myself, so others can be happy.

But I allow parts to show, so those that love me, will always recognise me.

Guard your questions, for your heart and soul is listening.