Silencing the voices in my head!
January 30, 2013 in Uncategorized
I am on the roll hey! Yippeee! On a serious note though…
I was listening to some audio tape the other day about how one needs to stop listening to the voices in one’s head. What we tell ourselves when no one else is around or listening. What we think about ourselves deep down inside. This is not a new concept, I didn’t like get as Oprah likes to put it an “Aaha” moment. I simply got a better understanding of what that means. We get so self-absorbed in our little problems and completely misinterpret situations. We also get so upset when somebody corrects our little mistakes as our fragile egos most of the time can’t take it. The thing is we also under-estimate how maybe all that our little egos might need is time to get over ourselves/ things. In time we do lick our own wounds and do what most of us hate and that is make amends/apologise or say, we were wrong. I know I like thinking I am always right! It bothers me when someone points out the fact that I might be viewing myself from a completely biase point of view.
There’s a little situation I completely over-reacted to and as a result it nearly cost me my dear friend that I absolutely love and respect. The thing is yes that person might have been wrong in saying what they said but my ego/mind went straight into defense mode and as a result I said some things I should have never said. And because I was hurt and wounded at the time, “my poor” EGO! I felt like if I had apologised there and then, I would have lost favor and viewed as a weak person and people would have lost respect for me. Wow! My poor fragile ego! Anyway, a few days later I was still carrying around moping, telling everyone who would dare to listen, how that person had wronged me. Fast forward to a month later and I did the same thing to my colleague, that my friend did to me. Luckily for me, she was nice enough to let me know how awful my comment made her feel. I was so disappointed and ashamed of myself as I never intended for my comments to be construed in that manner. Which goes to show how often we say things we don’t mean, in the spare of the moment which result in chaos in our lives! For me being more silent but present is a better approach. Being responsive versus reactive is a calmer approach. Being responsive equals to taking time to understand what’s been said before letting your defense kick in thereby spoiling everything. Reactive on the other hand is more dangerous as you are at your weakest! You can say some ugly things you won’t even be able to take back. You can mess up good relationships with your loved ones. Learning to control one’s anger and emotions is difficult but “do-able”.
I remember how for days I couldn’t silence the voices in my heads regarding what my friend said to me and made me feel. I kept replaying that casette over and over again. Coming up with more ridiculous versions of what actually happened. Which was far from the truth! A complete mis-understanding really. Wow! Gaining control over that part of my life is quiet challenging. A friend suggested I take walks everytime situations that make me upset arises. Which isn’t always practical. Another said what works for her is breathing exercises. The thing is I am a very reactive person and quiet confrontational if I may add. If I don’t like something, I want to talk about it NOW and hopefully have it resolved like “yesterday”. I must say that, the approach doesn’t always work to my advantage then I get frustrated and start lashing out. This is something I would like to change as it’s currently not working for me. I like the honesty as I say what’s in my heart but this isn’t always received the way I always hope it would be. I know that I didn’t stick much to the topic today bloggers but I had to write down what I am feeling as I am experiencing it.
FOOD FOR THOUGHT, perhaps…