Holding on to Mr/Ms Wrong!
January 19, 2013 in Uncategorized
My heart breaks as I am writing this entry. Even though this particular entry is not about me, I could so identify! It’s basically about what I have been able to monitor, observe and research and I find it quiet fascinating. The issue is about holding on to toxic unions/relationships/partnerships. I think with the lessons I’ve been able to learn through my own failed relationships, I feel the need to share this information with you all. Some of you might not agree with my take on things but I feel the need to share with you guys anyway.
I met a woman a while back, you see at face value this woman appears to be quiet charming and adorable. However, spend a few weeks with her then you will soon realise that she’s got a lot of issues and you would, trust me in time want to strangle her. She’s one of those that whine a lot, are never satisfied with anything and often blame her circumstances, fate, people etc to justified her own self-inflicted misery . I might sound a bit harsh in my description of her but trust me there’s a point to all of this. It’s to help us, it’s to pinpoint certain behaviours we might not even be aware we are doing. You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge, right? (this is courtesy of all the Dr Phil episodes I’ve watched over the years, lol).
Anyway, through her whining about everything, we eventually got to know her entire lifestory. Which got me to this particular story am about to share relating to her “current/ex-boyfriend?!” They met, got together pretty quickly and in less than a few weeks, they were live-in lovers and in a full-on relationship. After spending a few months with her, he found out she was a little overwhelming for him. He tried to break up with her a few times, but then she would manage to convince him that they are soulmates, that she’ll change blah blah blah. She was extremely manipulative and could cry on cue! He kept breaking things off in the 2yrs they’ve been together but somehow he could not (she was getting paid more, had a car and they shared a house together – she was practically paying for most things). As soon as the guy was able to stand on his two feet, he bought himself a car, dropped her like a hot potato and found his own place. That’s exactly what I thought would happen as soon as I caught wind of the story. I knew there must have been something that might have been keeping this guy from leaving. It turned out that this guy was just using her. yes that’s sad and all but gosh this woman is incredibly annoying! Am sorry to say. He was brave enough to have stayed with her for that long.
My thing is even after he broke up with her, she was still in denial about her unhealthy behaviour in relationships. I told her that she needed to fix herself first before embarking on her next relationship. Almost everyday she would whine about her relationship with this guy, to anyone that would listen. Everyone was so relieved when they finally broke up as they looked so miserable together. Yet she was still begging the guy to stay.
You see I remember a time in my own relationship when I was holding on to my partner. the guy had cheated on me numerous times, lived a double life etc but I was still begging him to stay with me, giving him permission to continue treating me like garbage. It was pathetic, desperate and sad! I didn’t t realise what a bad space, I must have been in. Who would do that? Yet lots of us are doing it everyday. Begging someone that clearly doesn’t want you to stay with you? I am telling you, it was painful. I valued myself so little that I gave permission to someone that didn’t deserve me to treat and use me like that? I think that is why this woman’s story touched me so much, as often we turn to blame other people for our own behaviour and choices. Instead of sorting ourselves first so we can begin to attract healthy people and situations into our lives.
Am done with this vicious cycle, I value myself more, you should too…