The Ugly 30+++ (Young Women vs Older Women)
November 9, 2012 in Uncategorized
I am sorry for abondoning you for so long, truth be told I have been through hell and back. I am now officially divorced! Yiiipppp! The most dreaded day came and went, little did I know what was going to follow, was a wave of depression. I’ve been divorced for a little over a month now and my emotions have been all over the place. Some days are better than others, but most of the time my days are just dreadful, filled with the ”loss” of a dream, loaded with insecurities, pity-parties etc. Self-doubt has also replaced my every day activities and thoughts, now instead of being a mom and taking care of my daughter I am paging through self-esteem books wondering if I’ll ever believe in love again. Or find love again for that matter but bloggers that’s a story for another day.
Now back to my title, I must say I never thought I needed to post this blog-entry until this morning when I was approached by a 28yr old, checking to see if she still could rock this hot dress she had on. Kind of like she was almost needing or wanting my approval, like my approval is what’s going to make her decide whether she’s going to kip her dress on or might have to go home and change. Questions like: “Is it ok at 28+ to still wear a dress/skirt that’s a little-above the knee or is a longer version more age appropriate” – which basically means longer and more conservative. Wow! I laughed thinking when did we as women get to this point? I seem to have missed the memo as I’m still stuck with the mentality that as long as one looks decent, one can rock any “number” at any age (or does that apply only to celebrities?). But am surprised as especially now, women are looking younger and younger everyday. Taking better care of themselves and truly looking amazing.
I am turning 35yrs old in a month’s time and I am not going to lie and say I don’t feel the pressure especially from guys and younger women. The thing is I look way younger than my actual age but nonetheless I don’t hide my age from people. I remember the first time I shared how old I was, the people where shocked! Some plain out laughed and started mocking me, the guys that had the hots for me quickly changed their minds because to them I am now viewed as a “cougar”. The next day people couldn’t even look me in the eye. Some immediately started calling me “aunty” as if I could have given birth to some of them. Brother please, you’re 25yrs old, there’s no way I could have given birth to you at 10yrs old.
I don’t feel or look that old. Now wait a minute before you go around thinking I am in denial once again, I promise you I don’t. But what struck a nerve or annoyed me the most was how people immediately changed towards me and started throwing verbal insults at me regarding my age. Something I truly do not have a problem with. I mean, we’re are all getting old, it’s not something one can reverse and it’s okay by me. What bothers me the most is when younger women find out how old I am. Comments range from” She should not be so loud, she’s too old! She shouldn’t wear that, that’s too short for her age! To shame man she’s past her sell-date?! Or she’s showing too much cleavage, blah blah blah – the truth is my boobs will always look big even if I wear a polo neck, I just have a bigger chest.
There’s another young lady (she’s 27yrs old) who keeps throwing the age thing to my face as well , like it’s the only insult she’s got which is mind boggling because I don’t care much for one’s looks nor body. It’s challenging growing old with all the insecurities that surround us but to actually be reminded of how unattractive aging is, is so unnecessary. Truth be told I am more confident at 35 than I’ve ever been in my 20s and for that reason alone I wouldn’t change a damn thing about my situation as I know better now and can deal with things with much wisdom. I have come to appreciate people’s beautiful hearts and personalities. I don’t care how old or young one is.
I was dismissed the other day by a younger man who looks even older than me, lol. He said to me, all eyes would be on the other girls at some party we’re going to and not me because I’m old and I suppose redundant, and he rolled his eyes. Wow! Whatever man…lol.
I am going to end by saying I would appreciate your contributions in handling this sensitive topic so that we can continue building each other up as women and not necessarily break someone down because of our own little insecurities. Let’s deal with them, sort them out so we can begin to feel adequate just as we are. No need to hate other people or women because you’re feeling small, that’s your own interpretation of who you are, we could be on the other hand wishing we were exactly like you. No need for jealousy, the universe is big enough for all of us!
Till next time…