May 24, 2013 in Uncategorized
I’ve been in broadcasting for a long time. I remember at the beginning of my career, I had just finished studying a short TV PRODUCERS’s course and I was ecstatic. I had dreams of being a film-maker, young, adorable but absolutely clue-less about the ins and outs of the flim/entertainment industry. After a few amazing gigs in production I thought I was fully armored to conquer this exciting world, that is films. I packed my suitcases and headed for Joburg praying to somehow be discovered. Like in my mind I thought I could probably just rock up at some production house and be snapped up just like that. Wow, the dangers of living in a bubble.
Yes it wasn’t long before I got into an internship programme at some broadcasting station, I was ecstatic! In my mind I thought well, I would network and eventually end up in a department where I could fully utilise my creative self and a chance to show off really. After the internship programme ended, reality quickly revealed that there was actually no real exciting opportunities for most of us unless you knew somebody in the station. My high hopes soon evaporated. Panic set in and I knew that I was totally doomed! My fear was giving in to the emotions I was experiencing cause I knew chances are, I would never pull myself out of that dump.
Long story short, I watched myself change from a vibrant, young lady to a woman that I couldn’t identify in the mirror anymore. One year in a meaningless department turned into 5yrs. The pay was awful! People in that department were older and were not really much help, I too was turning older quickly! The quicker I acknowledged that reality the more sad I got. I finally gave in to the fact that I might probably never amount to much…
I then took a vacation back to my Cape Town which is where I did most of my schooling. By the grace of God I got a phone call out of the blue that I had just been offered a fantastic job to oversee the channel’s music department. It was one hell of a break after struggling for 5yrs to find my passion. Yes it was far from film-making but I had met way too many film-makers wanna-beees in Melville and Newtown to know what my fate could possibly be. I wanted a stable income fast and the pay from the music job was better than my 5yrs that were wasted in that meaningless department.
I settled in my new music job and after 1year I got another opportunity that almost trippled my income, I would have been stupid not to have taken it. Anyway, soon after I realised that I could’ve possible made the biggest career-killer in my life. Soon after I learnt that, there were some hiccups in the boat that I had just jumped into. In less than 2yrs the new venture had to resize and unfortunately I was amongst the people that were dealt that terrible blow. The sad thing about the whole situation was that I had just gotten married, was a new mom when that happened. It wasn’t long after the company had spat most of us out, that my husband decided our union was not working for him anymore. That, plus the fact that somewhere along the way he changed his mind about me and forgot to tell me about it. It’s all well and good now but that meant, I now had to pack my suitcases and walk away from that pathetic “self” that had resorted to yet again begging another human being to love her.
I then packed my suitcases and headed back to Cape Town, my mom was born and bread in Cape Town. We had never had a real mother-and-daughter relationship. If you’ve been following my blog you will be familiar with our relationship. Anyway, I arrived at my moms, with my daughter, all cried out! It took a full year to get a job, I just couldn’t get anything in broadcasting at all. I eventually found something towards the end of the year, it was a junior position in one of the departments I used to liaise with when I was in Joburg. The pay was pathetic and really still is but I was grateful. It’s now been 2yrs in this job but lucky for me I was made a senior pretty quickly in the department especially as a newbie. Now I find myself more miserable than ever as I surf through one online job spec to the other looking for the “perfect job”. I know what I can bring to the table. I’ve even done one or two Skype interviews with promising stations back in Joburg. I didn’t get the jobs but to me that was an indication that perhaps my breakthrough could be near.
I am still hoping that in this lifetime, I would eventually get to do what I love… Whether it’s writing, making films, blogging (this is already a reality, thanks to all my followers) etc. I am feeling a bit down hence this long blog entry but I know I will have to snap out of it asap.
Thanks bloggers for entertaining me…