October 7, 2013 in Uncategorized
It’s been a long time I know. I wish I can come up with an amazing excuse as to why I haven’t been active in this medium, truth be told I’ve simply been negligent of my passions. Procrastination and co-dependency have always been the two things I’ve struggled with throughout my life thus far. I took a week off work last week just to take a chill pill for a while and also to sort of mentally prepare myself for this new department I’m moving to next month. The week off proved to be quite productive in terms of tying up some loose ends and doing a much needed introspection.
I realised that for the longest time I never thought that a work environment could make me physically ill never mind mentally crippled. I’ve been so unhappy in the work environment I found myself working in during my toughest times personally. If you’ve been following my blog entries you’ll know that not only did I survive a toxic mother growing up but a toxic husband as well. When it comes to work though I never thought a work environment can be equally non-suitable to a person. God knows I’ve really tried to fit in, in this department to a point where I had to constantly swallow my pride, humble myself, shrink to accommodate others yet even after all of that I still found myself a miserable outcast. It’s one thing not to fit in, it’s another when you feel like you’ve sold your soul to the devil yet the devil is still not satisfied. It’s even worse when you’re meant to be watching cartoons on a Saturday morning with your 4yr old instead your toxic environment creeps up into your mind and steals the little joy or haven you’ve managed to create for yourself at home. That’s when I knew something had to give.
Just like I had to make peace with my broken mom, and my ex-husband I realised that there’s nothing holding me back from letting go of my current position. For admitting that this just isn’t the job for my character and especially my soul. Yes I can do the job and quite well but I just don’t fit in into the culture of this particular department and for those reasons I bid this department farewell. Just like with my mother and my ex, I am spitting out the poison. I am choosing to save me.
Am happy to say, all the best to me then… I tried but I fought too hard for an environment that was never going to be favourable towards me. And I bid it farewell.
Hugs and kisses