October 5, 2014 in Uncategorized
Now before you take out your guns and shoot me wives and hopeless romantics, hear me out first. Before I got married I was one of those women who never believed in that union, reasons being I had seen enough pathetic, toxic relationships in my life some even amongst family and friends. Plus I had seen one too many married women who looked like death from doing endless house keeping and wifely duties. They just never looked like the marriage/”institution” was working for them. Now after finally convincing my heavily pregnant self to finally jump the broom for fear of being called a single mother of twins, I managed to say I do as quickly as I could stomach the courage to do so, at some dodgy home affairs office. I remember one of my best friends asking me if I was sure of what I was about to do, and me replying on some: “I’m as sure as anyone can ever be.” The thing is I had never committed to anything like that in my life. Marriage was big but I figured I was doing it for the twins and besides I was already 31 what could I possibly be waiting for. I was old enough to make such decisions on my own and stop being so self-absorbed. Plus if we ladies can be honest, we all end up giving in to society because of our ticking clocks and shrinking “ovaries” blah blah blah.
Anyway, there I was subscribing, long story short, if you’ve been following my blogs then for fear of repeating myself, you know how that story eventually unfolded. So now post divorce, this year I finally moved to a new townhouse with my daughter (my other daughter sadly passed on soon after birth, God’s plan I guess). I often wonder how my life would have panned out, had my other daughter lived. Would I have left my husband or not (for the sake of the twins)?
Now back to the crux of the story. My neighbors are a young couple in their late 20s and they already have a 4yr old daughter and a 2yr old son. One afternoon I asked the husband (with the wife’s permission of course) to come and help me fix my sliding door or something. He brought along his wife, beautiful I thought. Now here was a sensible young man, being considerate of his wife’s feelings. I don’t know how the conversation got to be about single women but eventually the man voiced out his opinion about how the number of single women in the past 2yrs has risen to ridiculous proportion. And how pathetic that is.
I didn’t say much for fear of being defensive so I let the young man rave and rant about that. When the couple left, I started feeling so empty and lonely and very much single. I indulged in my self-pity party for a good month until last week when the wife came running to my house being chased by the young husband. I am not going to reveal too much of the story, just the gist of it. It turned out that she has never experienced a charmed married life, let alone a quarter of a happily-ever-after life. The husband has been cheating since they got married, the wife just found out just the other day. One of his many mistresses has a 5yr old daughter by him, the husband just confessed as the mistress was threatening to expose his little secret so he was left with no choice but to confess. She also found out while she’s always stuck at home, the husband pretty much has a very active social life with his other family, like going to the mall and the beach. So he’s pretty much living a double life. Now the wife was extremely distraught after finding out these news and to top it all, she herself is with child (she just found out last weekend that she’s pregnant with their 3rd child). This is the same man that judged single women so harshly, pitied them and made me wallow in self pity as if being married was so ideal and so fulfilling!
As I am writing this blog I truly sympathise with married women. I don’t know how you guys keep sane. You are so strong and such amazing people. May God be with you through these trials. I don’t believe we exist simply for the purpose of foregoing our own plans and desires to live only for our husbands or partners. It’s painful watching women being subjected to miserable lives and existence. I know their sacrifices come from thinking and caring more about other people’s happiness, especially that of their kids and also keeping their nuclear families intact. Its truly sad.
My heart breaks for my pregnant neighbor, even more so when she said that she won’t leave him because she’s got nothing, she’s just a housewife. My heart breaks because I cant help her, I don’t know what to do or say to her. I was lucky because I had a career to fall back on, what about her?
Happily ever after no more…