Not envious of married women anymore!

October 5, 2014 in Uncategorized

Hi Bloggers,

Now before you take out your guns and shoot me wives and hopeless romantics, hear me out first. Before I got married I was one of those women who never believed in that union, reasons being I had seen enough pathetic, toxic relationships in my life some even amongst family and friends. Plus I had seen one too many married women who looked like death from doing endless house keeping and wifely duties. They just never looked like the marriage/”institution” was working for them. Now after finally convincing my heavily pregnant self to finally jump the broom for fear of being called a single mother of twins, I managed to say I do as quickly as I could stomach the courage to do so, at some dodgy home affairs office. I remember one of my best friends asking me if I was sure of what I was about to do, and me replying on some: “I’m as sure as anyone can ever be.” The thing is I had never committed to anything like that in my life. Marriage was big but I figured I was doing it for the twins and besides I was already 31 what could I possibly be waiting for. I was old enough to make such decisions on my own and stop being so self-absorbed. Plus if we ladies can be honest, we all end up giving in to society because of our ticking clocks and shrinking “ovaries” blah blah blah.

Anyway, there I was subscribing, long story short, if you’ve been following my blogs then for fear of repeating myself, you know how that story eventually unfolded. So now post divorce, this year I finally moved to a new townhouse with my daughter (my other daughter sadly passed on soon after birth, God’s plan I guess). I often wonder how my life would have panned out, had my other daughter lived. Would I have left my husband or not (for the sake of the twins)?

Now back to the crux of the story. My neighbors are a young couple in their late 20s and they already have a 4yr old daughter and a 2yr old son. One afternoon I asked the husband (with the wife’s permission of course) to come and help me fix my sliding door or something. He brought along his wife, beautiful I thought. Now here was a sensible young man, being considerate of his wife’s feelings. I don’t know how the conversation got to be about single women but eventually the man voiced out his opinion about how the number of single women in the past 2yrs has risen to ridiculous proportion. And how pathetic that is.

I didn’t say much for fear of being defensive so I let the young man rave and rant about that. When the couple left, I started feeling so empty and lonely and very much single. I indulged in my self-pity party for a good month until last week when the wife came running to my house being chased by the young husband. I am not going to reveal too much of the story, just the gist of it. It turned out that she has never experienced a charmed married life, let alone a quarter of a happily-ever-after life. The husband has been cheating since they got married, the wife just found out just the other day. One of his many mistresses has a 5yr old daughter by him, the husband just confessed as the mistress was threatening to expose his little secret so he was left with no choice but to confess. She also found out while she’s always stuck at home, the husband pretty much has a very active social life with his other family, like going to the mall and the beach. So he’s pretty much living a double life. Now the wife was extremely distraught after finding out these news and to top it all, she herself is with child (she just found out last weekend that she’s pregnant with their 3rd child). This is the same man that judged single women so harshly, pitied them and made me wallow in self pity as if being married was so ideal and so fulfilling!

As I am writing this blog I truly sympathise with married women. I don’t know how you guys keep sane. You are so strong and such amazing people. May God be with you through these trials. I don’t believe we exist simply for the purpose of foregoing our own plans and desires to live only for our husbands or partners. It’s painful watching women being subjected to miserable lives and existence. I know their sacrifices come from thinking and caring more about other people’s happiness, especially that of their kids and also keeping their nuclear families intact. Its truly sad.

My heart breaks for my pregnant neighbor, even more so when she said that she won’t leave him because she’s got nothing, she’s just a housewife. My heart breaks because I cant help her, I don’t know what to do or say to her. I was lucky because I had a career to fall back on, what about her?

Happily ever after no more…

Thanks

Cinderella

 

 

 

 

 

 

My Unrealistic Expectations!!!

March 20, 2014 in Uncategorized

Hi Bloggers,

Missed you lots!!!

I promised myself in the past that I would not simply post something because I am bored and looking for some attention as that would defeat the whole purpose of my blog entries. I started this as an outlet for my pain when I was going through my divorce. It became a great friend, a companion, a platform for me to find some healing and I have, thank you so much for your encouragement.

Now post-divorce and I am finding and getting to know myself all over again. My likes and dislikes. My priorities, my expectations as a single divorced mom of one. My last entry was about this guy that I went out on a date with and how my expectations were not met in that particular situation. I would have gone feeling like such a victim for years to come until some unexpected turn of events in friendships.

I bumped into a male friend of mine that I had not seen in over 10yrs. My friend is unpretentiously and non-apologetically gay. We became friends fast in the past because he’s a straight shooter and quite entertaining. There’s never a dull moment with him so I find myself wanting to be in his company always. Soon after we re-connected I was already planning our nights out together and how I saw him fit into my plans and life. How we were going to be hopping from one social gathering to the other (never even once did I communicate these plans with him nor think he wouldn’t be available to entertain my thoughts and plans, that just wasn’t an option).

Anyway, in a week’s time we were already having coffees, breakfasts and nicely catching up. The following week my diary was full of activities that we were going to do together and there was one or two important events he just couldn’t miss (a birthday party that my daughter was invited to where he had to play modern family with us, drinks with my girlfriends that he couldn’t possibly miss). Ooooh, I had all these wonderful plans (once again  assuming that he would come to these events, what else could he possibly have planned that could top what I have?).

Until he of cause bumped in the same week we were supposed to be having back-to-back festivities, bumped into an old flame of his. Not just an old flame but his soul-mate, the one who got away. Coming back in his shining armor, white horse and all. Declaring his undying love for him, telling him he wanted him back and had been thinking about him all this time. They hadn’t seen each other in 15yrs.

I was so happy for my friend for finding his long-lost love! But then my mind went into panic mode. What about all these plans I had for us, what about me and my daughter. In that pathetic madonna voice in Evita where she asks tears pouring down her face: “So what happens now, so what happens now, where am I going?”. In my case, not just with my suitcases and tail between my legs but with a child as well. OMW! Melo-dramatic, I know, blame the film-maker in me. Lol.

Then I got to meet the old-flame, me and my daughter and what an incredible man this guy turned out to be. I think part of me was hoping he would be a monster so I can show my friend how wrong they would be together and maybe possibly sabotage their relationship(I don’t know, I hadn’t thought that far ahead). The guy was amazing, hospitable to me and my daughter. Now I was thinking the only thing that would save me so my daughter and I can have my friend’s full attention back, was by appealing to this old-flame to please not be selfish and want my friend all to himself, I mean my daughter and I need him, right!? I made it clear to  him that yes I understand they will want to spend each waking moment together but my friend simply cannot ignore his prior commitments with us. My friend just giggled and I knew that I had lost him.

The most dreaded sms came in the morning where he was cancelling our plans. NO! I ended up sulking for days after that until I shared this with another friend of mine who simply said I have no right writing people into my ‘life-scripts’ like that. She told me to snap out of it and stop having unrealistic expectations of my friends. She pointed out that the day she stopped doing that, that’s the day she found peace. As she would also spend time planning things around her friends expecting them to honor those events and she would be hurt when they disappoint her yet she never gave them the option to say NO.

Soon after I had that life-changing conversation with her, I started identifying people I had unrealistic expectations about and started releasing them from my ‘unforgiven list’. I realised that I been completely unfair to my friend. His life and how he plans to spend it, is his business and that I should be happy with the time he can spare me. I am happy to say because of that slap in the face, I am more at peace with not expecting much from people and because of making that decision, I find that people and friends are drawn to me now. I have become someone they want to genuinely spend time with because they want to and not because they are forced to by being emotionally black-mailed by me.

Now I find that my friend that I felt rejected by is now able to accommodate me whenever his life allows him to. But I am not his priority and it was unfair of me to place him in my life as one as well. My friend Nyasha always says: “Never assume the position of importance in people’s lives. Yes you might consider someone your best-friend while they might simply consider you a mere acquaintance.”As harsh as that sounds, trust me it saves one a lot of heart-ache. Some people are meant to be in your life for a mere season and you have to be comfortable with letting them go when the time calls for it. Don’t hold on to things you’re meant to be releasing, let them fly away, it’s their time to…

A long entry I know but absolutely relevant in my journey going forward.

Keep the peace..

Love, always

Cinderella

 

 

 

 

 

Picking up the pieces after divorce…

December 26, 2013 in Uncategorized

Hi Bloggers,

I recentlly went out on a date, YES with a man, lol – for the 1st time since my divorce. I must say, I wanted to call the guy and cancel many times as closer to the time I almost had a panic attack. As you know it’s been a year since my divorce was finalised and I spent this year thinking very little about getting back on the horse (so to speak). I have been walking around paying very little attention to men as they tried to establish some kind of eye contact whenever I would go past, not that I blame them as I am truly a knock out, well that’s my story and I am sticking to it, lol.

Anyway, I then met  this guy, am not sure what made me give him my numbers, blame it on the holiday fever, sexy tourists all around me, summer romances, long strolls in the beach, site-seeing or just the loneliness of spending another year with no proper nucleur family setup/plans really, but needless to say the guy got my numbers. The guy kept calling and I finally gave in and we went out on what he called a 21st century “dinner” date. He picked me up, opened the car door, and before I could ask questions about where he was taking me, his cousin called and I found myself being dragged from suburb to suburb picking up and dropping off some couples. What the HELL!!!! What happened to a quiet dinner somewhere, where we would lock eyes and talk about our hobbies, life and dreams – and fall madly inlove. Ha ha ha!!! Cinderella snap out of it! OMW! I am doing it again, I am living my life like it’s a fairytale! Am I really?! Ha ha ha! I am laughing because I am totally clue-less and beyond confused about dating in the 21st century. Is it just this particular guy that’s like that or am I too old school? Remember, I am 36yrs old. I don’t know how these things work anymore.

I remember asking my niece the day before I was due to go out, about what to do or expect on the day. She told me to calm the heck down, it’s not a marriage proposal, it’s just a date! Lol! Ooooo thank you Lord!

Ok. Back to the story. After we dropped off the last couple at their complex, in the early hours of the morning, it’s only then that my date started to pay me some attention. When I asked him what the heck was that? Driving around with me, trying to score some booze and looking for the next open restaurant or cafe for some greasy food?! I was starving by that time but pretended that my stomach wasn’t making all those growling noises it was (Note:  I get grumpy as hell when I haven’t eaten, which he would have known had he taken me on a “proper” date and gotten to know me a lil-better!). Needless to say, I was made aware by my date that dates are no longer so conventional anymore. That I should move on with the times. That the picking a woman up, going out for dinner doesn’t happen as regularly as before. People simply just hang out doing random things. Whooaaa! No thank you!

After trying his outmost best to get me to bed that night, imagine!!! He finally decided to drop me home after I threatened to call a cab. The next day I realised I had forgotten my phone in his car. He called and told me to meet him somewhere, when I did, he was “off-ish” with me but I expected that. Still freaking licking his wounds! Who cares?! Am not that type of woman!!!

I got my phone and left him still sulking in his car. Then I made a promise to myself when I got home. That I would never again go out if the guy doesn’t clearly define the “date”. Yes life is not a Cinderella story but this woman over here still prefers things old school baby. I still want to be wined and dined, swept me off my feet, seduced, and yes when I do eventually put out, I want to be a willing participant and 110% percent committed and then some… Begging and sulking need not be part of your seduction technique, pleeeaaassseee, it won’t be necessary.

Ok, now off to TAKE-2 bloggers as I experience my own “Sex and The City” snippets… Good luck to me…

Love

Cinderella

 

 

 

 

 

2013 – Take A Bow!!!

December 18, 2013 in Uncategorized

Hi Bloggers,

This is that time of the year at least for most people, where we sit back, reminisce and reflect on the year that’s about to pass us yet again. Long list of resolutions that never came to be realised and only a fraction if you are or were lucky, came to fruition. Now instead of me speaking for the masses I will get right to the crux of my journey.

2013 has been surprisingly difficult for me, and the misery wasn’t self-inflicted but came from my naiveity of thinking that there are only good hearted people in the world and that if you think positive thoughts – situations, people and circumstances will miraculously work in your favor with minimal effort on your side. While that might be true for a selected few, the rest of us am afraid have to sweat bullets to achieve most things. And before you think I’m one of those pessimists, trust me am far from it. I think my name “Cinderella” means exactly that, that life is real and living in a bubble doesn’t work nor help. Now indulge me for a 2nd while I try to elaborate on my findings.

Last year things ended on a good note for me where I was the team favorite at work,I even won some “surprise” award for being the best team player blah blah blah. I remember my New Year’s resolution for 2013 on how I wanted to push myself even harder and show people fireworks, unbeknown to me that not everyone was as ecstatic about my achievements as I was. In a short space of time, I went from being most envied to being most hated. Like a crazy film, I watched as some started conspiring against me, wishing and hoping I would fail in my new position (for reasons only known to them). There I was telling everyone who dared to listen how the universe was finally restoring all that was taken from me. Once again acting like life owed me something. In a few months the fireworks I had wanted to show them, had backfired.

I found myself completely isolated from the company’s day-to-day activities that I should have been part of as a senior. I noticed how the more I wanted to know what was going on the more bad things started happening to me at work,. Small discussions would turn into heated arguments whenever I was involved. I started questioning my part in the entire thing, on whether or not I was the instigator of these situations I found myself in. 

I started getting frustrated, frustration turned into desperation as no one was on my side. It was as if the very same people that thought I was amazing, that even voted for me to get the award were all of a sudden against me, for reasons unknown to me.

Long story short, they came to the conclusion after not even discussing things with me, not talking to me, that I wasn’t up to speed with my work, doesn’t take instructions from my superiors. Basically everything was my fault. I decided that had I taken the “fighting” them back route, I would have wasted some precious time. Work wasn’t working out and my home life was also starting to go pear-shaped.

I decided it was better to move to another department, where I could at least retain some kind of sanity even though it meant I would be starting from scratch in this particular dept.

So yes, today I find myself reflecting on how all of this came to be and how I so wish for a different reality but at the same time know what a character building exercise “failure” can absolutely be. So I welcome it knowing that I still hope for a better tomorrow for myself and child.

So bloggers as we wrap this year up, my final words would be to never give up (this is more a reminder to me and for me that, as long as I’m still breathing, there’s still hope to dream BIG!!!). Never lose that…

Love & Respect, always

Cinderella

 

 

 

 

 

 

Letting go of toxic situations…and that includes my job!

October 7, 2013 in Uncategorized

Hi Bloggers,

It’s been a long time I know. I wish I can come up with an amazing excuse as to why I haven’t been active in this medium, truth be told I’ve simply been negligent of my passions. Procrastination and co-dependency have always been the two things I’ve struggled with throughout my life thus far. I took a week off work last week just to take a chill pill for a while and also to sort of mentally prepare myself for this new department I’m moving to next month. The week off proved to be quite productive in terms of tying up some loose ends and doing a much needed introspection.

I realised that for the longest time I never thought that a work environment could make me physically ill never mind mentally crippled. I’ve been so unhappy in the work environment I found myself working in during my toughest times personally. If you’ve been following my blog entries you’ll know that not only did I survive a toxic mother growing up but a toxic husband as well. When it comes to work though I never thought a work environment can be equally non-suitable to a person. God knows I’ve really tried to fit in, in this department to a point where I had to constantly swallow my pride, humble myself, shrink to accommodate others yet even after all of that I still found myself a miserable outcast. It’s one thing not to fit in, it’s another when you feel like you’ve sold your soul to the devil yet the devil is still not satisfied. It’s even worse when you’re meant to be watching cartoons on a Saturday morning with your 4yr old instead your toxic environment creeps up into your mind and steals the little joy or haven you’ve managed to create for yourself at home. That’s when I knew something had to give.

Just like I had to make peace with my broken mom, and my ex-husband I realised that there’s nothing holding me back from letting go of my current position. For admitting that this just isn’t the job for my character and especially my soul. Yes I can do the job and quite well but I just don’t fit in into the culture of this particular department and for those reasons I bid this department farewell. Just like with my mother and my ex, I am spitting out the poison. I am choosing to save me.

Am happy to say, all the best to me then… I tried but I fought too hard for an environment that was never going to be favourable towards me. And I bid it farewell.

Hugs and kisses

Cinderella

 

 

 

 

My Breakthrough is near!?

May 24, 2013 in Uncategorized

Hi Bloggers,

I’ve been in broadcasting for a long time. I remember at the beginning of my career, I had just finished studying a short TV PRODUCERS’s course and I was ecstatic. I had dreams of being a film-maker, young, adorable but absolutely clue-less about the ins and outs of the flim/entertainment industry. After a few amazing gigs in production I thought I was fully armored to conquer this exciting world, that is films. I packed my suitcases and headed for Joburg praying to somehow be discovered. Like in my mind I thought I could probably just rock up at some production house and be snapped up just like that. Wow, the dangers of living in a bubble.

Yes it wasn’t long before I got into an internship programme at some broadcasting station, I was ecstatic! In my mind I thought well, I would network and eventually end up in a department where I could fully utilise my creative self and a chance to show off really. After the internship programme ended, reality quickly revealed that there was actually no real exciting opportunities for most of us unless you knew somebody in the station. My high hopes soon evaporated. Panic set in and I knew that I was totally doomed! My fear was giving in to the emotions I was experiencing cause I knew chances are, I would never pull myself out of that dump.

Long story short, I watched myself change from a vibrant, young lady to a woman that I couldn’t identify in the mirror anymore. One year in a meaningless department turned into 5yrs. The pay was awful! People in that department were older and were not really much help, I too was turning older quickly! The quicker I acknowledged that reality the more sad I got. I finally gave in to the fact that I might probably never amount to much…

I then took a vacation back to my Cape Town which is where I did most of my schooling. By the grace of God I got a phone call out of the blue that I had just been offered a fantastic job to oversee the channel’s music department. It was one hell of a break after struggling for 5yrs to find my passion. Yes it was far from film-making but I had met way too many film-makers wanna-beees in Melville and Newtown to know what my fate could possibly be. I wanted a stable income fast and the pay from the music job was better than my 5yrs that were wasted in that meaningless department.

I settled in my new music job and after 1year I got another opportunity that almost trippled my income, I would have been stupid not to have taken it. Anyway, soon after I realised that I could’ve possible made the biggest career-killer in my life. Soon after I learnt that, there were some hiccups in the boat that I had just jumped into. In less than 2yrs the new venture had to resize and unfortunately I was amongst the people that were dealt that terrible blow. The sad thing about the whole situation was that I had just gotten married, was a new mom when that happened. It wasn’t long after the company had spat most of us out, that my husband decided our union was not working for him anymore. That, plus the fact that somewhere along the way he changed his mind about me and forgot to tell me about it. It’s all well and good now but that meant, I now had to pack my suitcases and walk away from that pathetic “self” that had resorted to yet again begging another human being to love her. 

I then packed my suitcases and headed back to Cape Town, my mom was born and bread in Cape Town. We had never had a real mother-and-daughter relationship. If you’ve been following my blog you will be familiar with our relationship. Anyway, I arrived at my moms, with my daughter, all cried out! It took a full year to get a job, I just couldn’t get anything in broadcasting at all. I eventually found something towards the end of the year, it was a junior position in one of the departments I used to liaise with when I was in Joburg. The pay was pathetic and really still is but I was grateful. It’s now been 2yrs in this job but lucky for me I was made a senior pretty quickly in the department especially as a newbie. Now I find myself more miserable than ever as I surf through one online job spec to the other looking for the “perfect job”. I know what I can bring to the table. I’ve even done one or two Skype interviews with promising stations back in Joburg. I didn’t get the jobs but to me that was an indication that perhaps my breakthrough could be near.

I am still hoping that in this lifetime, I would eventually get to do what I love… Whether it’s writing, making films, blogging (this is already a reality, thanks to all my followers) etc. I am feeling a bit down hence this long blog entry but I know I will have to snap out of it asap.

Thanks bloggers for entertaining me…

Peace

Cinderella

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Silencing the voices in my head!

January 30, 2013 in Uncategorized

Hi Bloggers,

I am on the roll hey! Yippeee! On a serious note though…

 I was listening to some audio tape the other day about  how one needs to stop listening to the voices in one’s head. What we tell ourselves when no one else is around or listening. What we think about ourselves deep down inside. This is not a new concept, I didn’t like get as Oprah likes to put it an “Aaha” moment. I simply got a better understanding of what that means. We get so self-absorbed in our little problems and completely misinterpret situations. We also get so upset when somebody corrects our little mistakes as our fragile egos most of the time can’t take it. The thing is we also under-estimate how maybe all that our little egos might need is time to get over ourselves/ things. In time we do lick our own wounds and do what most of us hate and that is make amends/apologise or say, we were wrong. I know I like thinking I am always right! It bothers me when someone points out the fact that I might be viewing myself from a completely biase point of view.

There’s a little situation I completely over-reacted to and as a result it nearly cost me my dear friend that I absolutely love and respect. The thing is yes that person might have been wrong in saying what they said but my ego/mind went straight into defense mode and as a result I said some things I should have never said. And because I was hurt and wounded at the time, “my poor” EGO! I felt like if I had apologised there and then, I would have lost favor and viewed as a weak person and people would have lost respect for me. Wow! My poor fragile ego! Anyway, a few days later I was still carrying around moping, telling everyone who would dare to listen, how that person had wronged me. Fast forward to a month later and I did the same thing to my colleague, that my friend did to me. Luckily for me, she was nice enough to let me know how awful my comment made her feel. I was so disappointed and ashamed of myself as I never intended for my comments to be construed in that manner. Which goes to show how often we say things we don’t mean, in the spare of the moment which result in chaos in our lives! For me being more silent but present is a better approach. Being responsive versus reactive is a calmer approach. Being responsive equals to taking time to understand what’s been said before letting your defense kick in thereby spoiling everything. Reactive on the other hand is more dangerous as you are at your weakest! You can say some ugly things you won’t even be able to take back. You can mess up good relationships with your loved ones. Learning to control one’s anger and emotions is difficult but “do-able”.

I remember how for days I couldn’t silence the voices in my heads regarding what my friend  said to me and made me feel. I kept replaying that casette over and over again. Coming up with more ridiculous versions of what actually happened. Which was far from the truth! A complete mis-understanding really. Wow! Gaining control over that part of my life is quiet challenging. A friend suggested I take walks everytime situations that make me upset arises. Which isn’t always practical. Another said what works for her is breathing exercises. The thing is I am a very reactive person and quiet confrontational if I may add. If I don’t like something, I want to talk about it NOW and hopefully have it resolved like “yesterday”. I must say that, the approach doesn’t always work to my advantage then I get frustrated and start lashing out. This is something I would like to change as it’s currently not working for me. I like the honesty as I say what’s in my heart but this isn’t always received the way I always hope it would be. I know that I didn’t stick much to the topic today bloggers but I had to write down what I am feeling as I am experiencing it.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT, perhaps…

Love, always

Dorah

 

 

 

Divorced Women – Society’s Rejects!

January 28, 2013 in Uncategorized

Hi Bloggers,

I don’t know if it’ll ever change but I hope it will eventually get better – the stigma attached to being a divorced woman, I mean. Or will I have to choose to close my ears and ignore the voices within. I am pitied, judged, blamed and made to feel like a failure because according to many, what is wrong with me? I am 35yrs old and I keep asking myself if I’ll ever find love again? Or will I have to be content with being a single mother of 1.

I’ll tell you what I still pray for. I pray for a family some day. I still wish for another child or two, why not? Yet I don’t see that happening? And that will be a such a shame. Do I have the right to want those things? The other day I was busy updating my CV and the issue of marital status cropped up and I wasn’t sure what to write. If I fill in divorced, will that jeorpadise my viability in the market place? Will the employers reject me or simply stereotype me? Or does that equal to failure as well?

There’s a divorced woman in my division at work and I’ve seen how they ridicule her. I wish I could have the courage to walk up to someone and say: Hi, my name is so and so, I am a divorced woman.,”  Even more so I would love to have someone react or respond in a positive manner and say: “Hi, so and so – we accept you.” That would be absolutely free-ing.   

But right now, I’ll have to settle with just putting my thoughts on blog platforms… Thank you for that.

Love

Cinderella

 

Holding on to Mr/Ms Wrong!

January 19, 2013 in Uncategorized

Hi Bloggers,

My heart breaks as I am writing this entry. Even though this particular entry is not about me, I could so identify! It’s basically about what I have been able to monitor, observe and research and I find it quiet fascinating. The issue is about holding on to toxic unions/relationships/partnerships. I think with the lessons I’ve been able to learn through my own failed relationships, I feel the need to share this information with you all. Some of you might not agree with my take on things but I feel the need to share with you guys anyway.

I met a woman a while back, you see at face value this woman appears to be quiet charming and adorable. However, spend a few weeks with her then you will soon realise that she’s got a lot of issues and you would, trust me in time want to strangle her. She’s one of those that whine a lot, are never satisfied with anything and often blame her circumstances, fate, people etc to justified her own self-inflicted misery . I might sound a bit harsh in my description of her but trust me there’s a point to all of this. It’s to help us, it’s to pinpoint certain behaviours we might not even be aware we are doing. You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge, right? (this is courtesy of all the Dr Phil episodes I’ve watched over the years, lol).

Anyway, through her whining about everything, we eventually got to know her entire lifestory. Which got me to this particular story am about to share relating to her “current/ex-boyfriend?!” They met, got together pretty quickly and in less than a few weeks, they were live-in lovers and in a full-on relationship. After spending a few months with her, he found out she was a little overwhelming for him. He tried to break up with her a few times, but then she would manage to convince him that they are soulmates, that she’ll change blah blah blah. She was extremely manipulative and could cry on cue! He kept breaking things off in the 2yrs they’ve been together but somehow he could not (she was getting paid more, had a car and they shared a house together – she was practically paying for most things). As soon as the guy was able to stand on his two feet, he bought himself a car, dropped her like a hot potato and found his own place. That’s exactly what I thought would happen as soon as I caught wind of the story. I knew there must have been something that might have been keeping this guy from leaving. It turned out that this guy was just using her. yes that’s sad and all but gosh this woman is incredibly annoying! Am sorry to say. He was brave enough to have stayed with her for that long. 

My thing is even after he broke up with her, she was still in denial about her unhealthy behaviour in relationships. I told her that she needed to fix herself first before embarking on her next relationship. Almost everyday she would whine about her relationship with this guy, to anyone that would listen. Everyone was so relieved when they finally broke up as they looked so miserable together. Yet she was still begging the guy to stay.

You see I remember a time in my own relationship when I was holding on to my partner. the guy had cheated on me numerous times, lived a double life etc but I was still begging him to stay with me, giving him permission to continue treating me like garbage. It was pathetic, desperate and sad! I didn’t t realise what a bad space, I must have been in. Who would do that? Yet lots of us are doing it everyday. Begging someone that clearly doesn’t want you to stay with you? I am telling you, it was painful. I valued myself so little that I gave permission to someone that didn’t deserve me to treat and use me like that? I think that is why this woman’s story touched me so much, as often we turn to blame other people for our own behaviour and choices. Instead of sorting ourselves first so we can begin to attract healthy people and situations into our lives.

Am done with this vicious cycle, I value myself more, you should too…

Love

Cinderella

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

To New Beginnings!!! Happy 2013!

December 31, 2012 in Uncategorized

Hi Bloggers,

I recently threw an all-white “divorce” party to celebrate my new single self. I remember when I first suggested the theme-party. I had initially planned it for 10 of my closest friends, and 2 of them were quiet opposed to the idea. I perfectly understood as the 1st time I heard of the concept was on some American talk-show. I remember thinking: “Who would be so stupid and heartless enough to enjoy such a party? At the time I was still very much married and never thought it could happen to me (divorce, I mean!). I pre-judged the power of what a “divorce” party can do for one! It’s all about restoration! You see the idea behind it is to celebrate life rather than do what most women do, which is wallow in self-pity and go straight into depression mode. We often blame ourselves while man just simply move on. I promised myself that as soon as the divorce was finalised, that’s exactly what I was going to do. Forgive myself and attempt to move forward rather than focus on my past mistakes and choices. Celebrate the fact that I have survived divorce! Celebrate the fact that I was “brave” enough to walk away from a messed up union! Celebrate what society views as “failure” (if you happen to be a woman). Celebrate all that I have learned from the union and the process of going through a divorce. Yes, I have cried, blamed myself, blamed GOD even (yet I never consulted with Him when I made my choices – yet I was blaming Him?)!

My all-white divorce party was a success! 5 of my closest friends came instead of the 10. and I was happy with that. There was one that couldn’t make it as his wife didn’t support the idea of celebrating “divorce” and trust me I fully understand. Had she known what I have been through to get to this space that I am in and also the price I had to pay in that union, she would also understand my reasons for celebrating the divorce! It’s got nothing to do with my ex-husband or making fun of marriage but everything to do with the fact that I after everything I have been through, I am still standing! Standing tall in fact! Stronger than ever, through Christ that strengthens me!

As we approach the New Year, I’d like to thank God for bringing amazing new friends and old ones that have helped me through my hard times. I’d like to thank this blog platform for allowing me the space to write what I feel. It has been extremely therapeutic! As I go through the next phase of my life may I pray for peace and happiness and for good things to follow me.

Love and respect to all my blog followers.

Love always,

Cinderella