SANE

October 13, 2013 in Uncategorized

Blank pages corrupt my once intriguing verses

 

These black and white days left me quite colourless

 

Could this breeze of adventure lead me to a way out of this

 

Do I leave and follow the bliss

 

In my dreams you are

 

I’m not sure if that means you’re nearby or far

 

I once grabbed the sunlight but it left this scar

 

That day you weren’t sure if I was nearby or far

 

Something is dancing in my thoughts and in my eyes

 

I can’t explain

 

The extremes, the life, the goodbyes, the painting in the rain

 

We once had life, we were everything but plain

 

Yet now apart we merely exist,

 

So very unfortunately

 

Sane.

SOLAR STORM

March 16, 2013 in Uncategorized

Solar Storm” by Engela Pretorius

 
Solar Storm

You stepped into the room and everything was different in the atmosphere
Burning bright eyes from the extraordinaire
You consumed me, I couldn’t help but to stare
The beauty of the galaxy kept us unaware

We’ve reached the edge of the universe
Gravity feels so far away
Somehow we’ve reached so many stars together
But now you feel light years away
Somehow

Release my hand, we should let go
No need to confess, I already know
It will be better this way, our flame has burnt out
It’s time to move on, time to get out
Everything is drifting, I feel your hand burning
These chains around our souls are breaking

Universal madness, I made you fall
Universal madness, you made me fall
I never had time to prepare for this at all
We found ourselves barefoot in a solar storm
Solar storm, take us away
We don’t have to pretend that we’re safe and that we’re okay
Everything changed while we were standing still
Never letting go of the inner-boy and the inner-girl
We found ourselves barefoot in a solar storm

I think it’s time for destruction on a catastrophic scale
I know if I don’t leave right now, I will forever fail
I have to leave, I won’t return, but I will always care
Please know I’m merely dodging a massive solar flare

We’ve reached the edge of the universe
Gravity feels so far away
Somehow we’ve reached so many stars together
But now we’re far from okay
Somehow

Star-crossed lovers never survive
Come tomorrow, we won’t be alive
I can’t stay, I really tried
Just to find out that everybody lied

Let the apocalypse on your lips
Stop you from calling, stop you from calling
Let the stars around us give you wings
That’ll stop you from falling, stop you from falling

I know it’s hard to let go
of the one thing you want and the one thing you know
But a silent promise fills the sky
We don’t have to live this lie
We don’t have to live this lie

DEAR JOHN

March 16, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

Dear John

 

Dear John

 

I’m sorry,

I’m sorry I haven’t been writing for a while

 

Dear John

 

How are you?

Still chasing the wind like you used to?

It’s terrible that those people around you are dying

But that’s what war dishes up, my darling…

And yes I have been crying

But lately my tears have turned scrawny

And no, I didn’t allow him to kiss me

Or to hold me

 

Dear John

 

After this letter the whole world will hate me

They’ll say that I was just the typical “couldn’t-love-enough-to-wait-lady”

But darling they never felt all the soreness inside me

I was forced to face this battle

Me against the war

While you were fighting for your country,

Loneliness was celebrating its own little victory…

But what do they know.

John I love you

But the force gives you something more than I do

There’s not much a girl like me can offer you…

You find great admiration and esteem somewhere beyond my adore

Yet I’ve always been waiting right here at your abandoned door

You promised you’ll be back and I should be strong

Yet it’s never you who returns, I can tell you apart

The death in his eyes, the cold in his heart

 

A stranger returns to whom I’m forced to be familiar

I can’t help but to find this rule a bit peculiar

You’ve changed so much, yet you expect me to be the same,

 

Unaffected.

 

How can you expect that?

The same young girl you left crying in the rain

Every time I advance you ask me to explain

How is it that you’re allowed to spread your wings, but I have to

 

Remain.

 

Foolish!

The idea is unreasonable!

Insane!

 

Dear John

 

There’s no one else, I’m not telling lies

I believe the man I love died in an ambitious soldier’s eyes

I’m writing you this dreadful letter to bring you the news,

That it’s not only you who suffer from a spiritual bruise,

Today the girl you knew is turning the page

She has nothing to lose

Don’t buy that ring, I beg you please

I won’t change my mind,

Allow me to rest in peace

 

No more jumping up every time there’s a knock on my door

No more crying myself to sleep

Or weeping on the floor

No more…

 

Praying till the sun comes up

No more keeping quiet when all I want is to speak

Or just wanting to give up

No more fearing your deceit

Or wishing I could leave

No more resisting every potential husband

Or feeling like I’m stranded

Washing your feet

 

Now free to fall in love at last

I’m not being selfish,

I’m being realistic

I don’t want to be one in a million,

I’m not a statistic

 

Dear John, I’m a woman

And so 

I’ll make myself pretty

Finally I won’t be scared of what they’ll say

Or

Feel guilty

Instead worthy

Nothing will be missing;

No part of me will be broken

 

I’m going to live what’s left of my life

The force has always been your one and only bride

She makes you feel whole and worthy inside

So when you wear your uniform, wear it with pride

And maybe less a wife, adds a medal to your side.

 

 

Dear John

 

You’ve been gone for so long…

I know you don’t believe me

I am merely showing courtesy

I regret to inform you

 

The war has now won…

 

Let’s let go of our childish obsession

What seemed so real back then, now merely an illusion?

Dreaming of a someday whilst it passes us by

Infatuated eyes left us blind

My love, I’m saying goodbye

Please let go

So as I’m reaching the end of this letter

Down my cheek runs my last tear

And I feel better

 

Dear John

 

I leave you with this question:

What is the difference?

Before you’ve read this letter

I was already gone…

She just drove away

January 12, 2013 in Uncategorized

She just drove away

 

Leaving the destruction all behind

 

Somewhere in between her cold mind and lost mind

 

She may have been good

 

But the anger she breathed stripped her nature to the nude

 

The pain and the shame

 

From him never touching her imperfect frame

 

Exploded in the sky

 

So she picked up her bags

 

And left us to die

 

The ground now haunted by a little whispered lie

 

“This isn’t goodbye”

 

Leaving this house cold and dark

 

She believed in magic, she called it “art”

 

And she just drove away

BURIED ALIVE

October 16, 2012 in Uncategorized

Buried alive

You still have eyes but it’s not you that see

And when I kiss your lips you don’t kiss me

He appears as you but you’re far gone

You sold your soul to have a moment of fun

 

An empty body stands in front of me

He still has opinions but they’re not what yours used to be

 And when he

Talks to me you say nothing at all

He swallows another pill while you fade and fall

 

Into my bed,

Bumping what used to be your head

And tonight a stranger sleeps next to me

Rest In Peace my dear memory

 

I do not have enough darkness to understand

Why he needs another drug in your hand

 

And when he smiles I see a frown

On a man’s face,

A man that is lost somehow

An empty space

Buried alive in the ashes of your faith

You’re buried alive but not awake

Dug your grave with one addictive mistake

 

You had my heart, you had my trust

But the fanatic you’ve become is covered in cuts

Yet your corpse seems pleased with the cravings and lust

Satisfied with worthless filth and dust

 

Merely a ghost of a man I used to love

And I still sit and wonder why I wasn’t enough

 

 

THE STREET WHERE HE SLEEPS

October 14, 2012 in Uncategorized

The street where he sleeps
 
Hunger and pain, today he will beg
For a job, a bread, some change… Oh! What the heck?
They barely smile when they give him something
Or avoid his face and continue driving
Merely a broken spirit standing
If only they could see that his heart is bleeding
 
He will not steal, because it is wrong
But at night when it gets cold, it is hard to stay strong
He will not kill, because it is wrong
But when they attack him with knives it is hard to stay strong
 
And when the rain visits the street where he sleeps
It happily splashes, unaware of his needs
The abandonment becomes unbearable
When all there is left to feel is miserable
Would expectation of some sort really be unreasonable?
 
Cold eyes look at him when he asks for help
And sometimes while his shivering body sleeps on the ground
Lightning and thunder dance around
Scared and alone, he tries to be tough
Nobody is ever there to give him assurance and love
Always convenient for them to say “rise above”
 
Once he found a better place
It was better in many ways
He felt safe and warmer there
Would it really be that unfair?
Until he was kicked out by anger and evil
And he knew the difference between God and the devil
 
Sundays he stares at them going into that building
They have so much and he has nothing
Yet when he goes on his knees after losing everything
It is worth more than anything

I know better

July 4, 2012 in Uncategorized

I know better

Let’s all just trip!

Let’s all just fall!

Darkness has power;

Rock and roll!

Another round, it’s on me

Tonight I’m feeling lucky!

Let’s embrace dragons and worship our own minds and songs

Who cares if she doesn’t know where she belongs?

We’re not really looking for anything more than fun,

Since tomorrow there might be no sun!

Would somebody please shut that man up?

There in the corner telling me to stand up.

Look at this idiot! Who do you think you are?

I am perfectly stable, you cannot judge…

I’m intelligent, it’s just that my relationships all lacked trust.

That wasn’t my fault,

I had to abscond.

But I ask you mister, I don’t know her, why should I care?

At least you, mister perfect, will convince her that she belongs somewhere…?

She put herself out there, she was way too easy.

What was I to do? 

Men are not made of stone and I was feeling lonely.

I didn’t really use her, and I never abused her, you fool.

How can you tell me I tore her to pieces?

When I’m just not ready for something serious.

She said she understands, so it’s not that major

She has nobody anyway. I was doing her a favour.

You ask me to be silent for I know nothing?

You tell me to love,

Well that’s something!

See, now you’ve made everybody laugh!

Don’t worry mister, I loved her that night the best I could!

Oh barman, get this crazy fella a drink, please man?

He’s taking the life out of me, something strong if you can?

He’ll need something strong enough to drown his sober nonsense…

You know sir, you’re being ridiculous!

You tell me to change but I love who I am.

You tell me I’m not me, I’m the world?

How can that be? Am I being controlled?

What’s that you say?

Conformed?

My Taal

May 13, 2012 in Uncategorized

EK SOEK MY TAAL (Engela Pretorius)

 

In die hoek op die stoep net ‘n gesig

Hande beskerm haar oë teen die dooie maanlig

Ek loop op haar land

Gevorm met haar tong is my woorde en my hart

Haar geheue so effens verlore

Tussen die kaalvoet berge en vele moorde

 

Ek soek my taal,

Ek smag na haar, ek soek my taal

Maar sy het ‘n reënboog gaan haal

Ek smag na haar klanke en haar verhaal

Maar sy het in die donker verdwaal

Ons woorde huil in besmette strome

Diep donker staar almal na ‘n pad

‘n Pad wat verlaat

En die verlede huil soos wat die hede praat

Haar geskiedenis breek haar gemoed

Al die struikel en al die bloed

Sy’t baie geskep en gebou

Maar dit is haar sprekers se foute wat aan haar klou

 

Ek soek my taal

Ek smag na haar, eksoek my taal

Maar sy het ‘n reënboog gaan haal

Ek smag na haar klanke en haar verhaal

Maar sy het in die donker verdwaal

Ons soek leiding, ons soek raad

Ons soek ‘n toekoms, ons raak kwaad

Maar die toekoms bloot ‘n ope veld

Word verbrand deur leuens en geweld

In ons gelaat is die hoop te min

Om aan te hou veg; dit is reeds oorwin.

Ek soek my taal,

Ek smag na haar, ek soek my taal

Maar sy het ‘n reënboog gaan haal

Ek smag na haar klanke en haar verhaal

Maar sy het in die donker verdwaal

Larry had a weapon

April 22, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

Larry had a weapon

He used it all the time

They told him he was crazy for his poems would never rhyme

But Larry had a weapon, he used from time to time

Hidden in soft lyrics

It rested all this time

And Larry had a vision with every glass of wine

They told him he was crazy, and just wasting their precious time

But Larry had a weapon, he could use at any time, a secret twist

To their predicted story-line

 

Larry you’re a star, a beautiful talented guitar

Larry you’re a vision, a dream come true you are

But Larry is in prison, and Larry has a scar

But Larry had a mission to escape and go far

But Larry had a weapon, he used from time to time

Hidden in soft lyrics

It rested all this time

 

 

Yes Larry has gold, a golden heart so fine

But Larry told the truth and Larry paid the crime

With every last dollar, and every little dime

Because Larry had a weapon bigger than yours and mine

And between his broken dreams he stood right on time,

Yes Larry liked adventures without crossing the line

But Larry had a weapon hidden in every written sword

He had magic in his ink, and beauty in each word

 

Larry you’re a star, a beautiful talented guitar

Larry you’re a vision, a dream come true you are

But Larry is in prison, and Larry has a scar

But Larry had a mission to escape and go far

But Larry had a weapon, he used from time to time

Hidden in soft lyrics

It rested all this time

 

 

Yes Larry didn’t need to rhyme, Larry only knew

That within each phrase a voice lives, oh yes its very true

He wrote into our spirits, into our minds and into our hearts too

With words as powerful as gentle – and we knew

That Larry had a weapon and Larry had a dream

And Larry had a destiny- he was blessed to the extreme

 

Larry you’re a star, a beautiful talented guitar

Larry you’re a vision, a dream come true you are

But Larry is in prison, and Larry has a scar

But Larry had a mission to escape and go very far

 

 

Stone

March 18, 2012 in Uncategorized

A heart turned to stone within.

A smile approves of her broken wing,

Sadism locks the chains.

Toxic running through his veins,

Yet somehow a silence remains.

As a teardrop gets a name

“…weakness, they’re all the same”

Clingy cravings clashing with pain

Running down a dark memory lane

Voices telling her she’ll survive

Not dead but not alive

A heart turned to stone within.